Being Thankful During Difficult Times: Finding Gratitude in the Midst of Grief

A Personal Reflection

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." — 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (KJV)

When Thanksgiving Didn't Feel Like Thanksgiving

November has always held a special place in my heart. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday—a time for family, fellowship, laughter, wonderful food, and reflecting on the many blessings God has bestowed upon us.

But on Monday, November 11, 2002, my world changed forever.

My mother, Beatrice Fields, passed away.

I can still remember the overwhelming heartbreak of losing her. Her death was devastating, and the timing made the pain even more difficult to bear. Thanksgiving was just around the corner, and while the world was preparing to celebrate and give thanks, I was trying to understand how to move forward without my mother.

That Thanksgiving, I struggled to find anything to be thankful for.

How could I celebrate when my heart was broken? How could I express gratitude when someone I loved so dearly was no longer here? How could I sit around a Thanksgiving table knowing that my mother would never again occupy her place in my life in the way I had always known?

The truth is, I didn't have all the answers then.

And even today, 24 years later, there are moments when I still miss her more than words can express.

But through the years, God has taught me something incredibly valuable:

Being thankful during difficult times does not mean we are thankful for the pain. It means we have learned to recognize God's presence, even in the midst of it.

1. God Will Give You Strength When You Feel You Have None

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." — Psalm 46:1 (KJV)

One of the greatest lessons I have learned since losing my mother is that God's strength is often most evident when our own strength feels depleted.

There were days when I cried. Days when memories overwhelmed me. Days when I wished I could pick up the phone just one more time to hear my mother's voice.

But somehow, through every difficult season, God sustained me.

He didn't erase the memories. He didn't make me forget the love I had for my mother. And He certainly didn't promise that I would never experience another painful day.

What He did was give me the strength to keep going.

Over the months and years, that strength developed into something I didn't fully recognize at the time—resilience, tenacity, and a deeper appreciation for the blessings that remained in my life.

Isaiah 41:10 reminds us:

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee..." (KJV)

What a beautiful reminder that even when life feels unbearable, we are not required to carry every burden through our own strength.

If you're facing your first Thanksgiving without someone you love, or even your twentieth, please remember that grief does not have an expiration date.

Give yourself grace. Take each day as it comes. And trust that God can strengthen you, even on the days when simply getting out of bed feels like an accomplishment.

2. There Is Strength in Asking for Help

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." — Galatians 6:2 (KJV)

Sometimes, when we're hurting, we convince ourselves that we must be strong for everyone else.

We tell ourselves, "I'll be okay." We smile when we really want to cry. We assure others that everything is fine, even when our hearts are aching.

But I want to remind you of something:

You do not have to suffer in silence to prove that you are strong.

God created us for relationships, fellowship, and community. There is nothing shameful about leaning on someone when life becomes difficult.

Call that family member who always knows how to encourage you. Reach out to a trusted friend. Speak with your pastor or spiritual advisor. And when the weight of grief becomes overwhelming, consider speaking with a licensed counselor or mental health professional who understands the grieving process.

Seeking professional help does not mean your faith is weak. It means you recognize that healing sometimes requires support, guidance, and resources beyond what you can provide for yourself.

Proverbs 11:14 teaches us that there is safety in the multitude of counselors.

Sometimes God's answer to our prayers comes through the wisdom, compassion, and helping hands of others.

Allow people to love you. Allow them to pray with you. Allow them to sit beside you when you don't have the words to explain what you're feeling.

And most importantly, allow yourself to receive the same compassion you would so freely extend to someone else.

3. Don't Allow Grief or Depression to Push You Into Isolation

"Two are better than one... For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow." — Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (KJV)

The holidays can be especially difficult for those who are grieving.

Family gatherings may feel different. Familiar traditions can bring painful memories. An empty chair at the dinner table can speak louder than an entire room filled with conversation.

During these moments, the temptation to withdraw from everyone and everything can be strong.

And while taking time for yourself is sometimes necessary and healthy, prolonged isolation can make an already difficult season feel even heavier.

Please don't allow your grief to convince you that you must walk through this season alone.

You don't have to attend every holiday gathering. You don't have to pretend to be happy. And you certainly don't have to explain your grief to everyone you encounter.

But I encourage you to remain connected to people who genuinely care about your well-being.

Accept an invitation to dinner. Attend a church service. Spend time with someone who makes you laugh. Volunteer to help someone less fortunate. Or simply invite a trusted friend to sit with you for a while.

Small moments of connection can provide meaningful comfort.

And if your sadness becomes persistent, your sense of hopelessness deepens, or everyday responsibilities become increasingly difficult, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.

Depression is not a spiritual failure, and seeking treatment is not a lack of trust in God.

Remember, even Jesus experienced deep sorrow. In Matthew 26:38, He told His disciples:

"My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death..." (KJV)

Our Savior understood what it meant to experience emotional anguish.

We should never feel ashamed to acknowledge our own.

24 Years Later: I Still Have Reasons to Be Thankful

As November 11, 2026, approaches, I find myself reflecting on the 24 years that have passed since my mother went home to be with the Lord.

I still miss her.

I miss the moments we shared, the conversations we had, and the memories we never had the opportunity to create.

But today, my gratitude looks different than it did in November 2002.

I'm thankful that God blessed me with Beatrice Fields as my mother.

I'm thankful for the years we shared and the memories that continue to live in my heart.

I'm thankful for the strength God has given me through life's most challenging seasons.

I'm thankful for the family, friends, and loved ones who have helped carry me through difficult moments.

And I'm thankful that my personal experience with grief has given me a deeper understanding of the pain so many families experience when they lose someone they love.

As co-owner of Clay's Mortuary & Cremations, I have the privilege of walking alongside families during some of the most difficult days of their lives.

I don't take that responsibility lightly.

When I encounter a grieving daughter, son, husband, wife, mother, or father, I understand that their loss extends far beyond the funeral service. Their grief will accompany them through birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and ordinary days when a memory suddenly brings tears to their eyes.

I understand because I, too, have sat on the other side of the arrangement table.

And perhaps that is one of the most meaningful lessons God has taught me through my own journey: our painful experiences can deepen our compassion for others.

This Thanksgiving, Give Yourself Permission

If you are grieving this holiday season, I want to leave you with a few gentle reminders.

Give yourself permission to cry.

Give yourself permission to laugh.

Give yourself permission to remember your loved one and speak their name.

Give yourself permission to create new traditions while cherishing the old ones.

Give yourself permission to ask for help.

And above all, give yourself permission to be thankful for what remains, even while grieving what has been lost.

You can miss someone deeply and still experience moments of joy.

You can have tears in your eyes and gratitude in your heart.

You can acknowledge that life has been difficult while still believing that God has been faithful.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

Psalm 34:18 reminds us:

"The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." (KJV)

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Heavenly Father,

As we enter this season of Thanksgiving, I lift up every person who is carrying the weight of grief, loneliness, sadness, or uncertainty.

Lord, You know the names of those we miss. You understand the tears we cry and the memories we hold close to our hearts.

Strengthen those who feel weak. Comfort those whose hearts are broken. Surround those who feel alone with people who will love, encourage, and support them.

Help us recognize that even during life's most difficult seasons, there are still blessings worth acknowledging.

Teach us to extend grace to ourselves, compassion to others, and gratitude to You.

And when the holidays become especially difficult, remind us that we never have to walk through our pain alone.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

From My Heart to Yours

This November, as I honor the memory of my mother, Beatrice Fields (November 11, 2002), I am reminded that 24 years of missing someone can also represent 24 years of experiencing God's sustaining grace.

If you are struggling to find a reason to be thankful this Thanksgiving, I understand.

You don't have to force gratitude. You don't have to rush your healing.

Just remember that even in the midst of grief, there is hope, there is help, and there is strength for the journey ahead.

Thanksgiving may look different after loss, but a thankful heart can still find its way through the tears.

With love, faith, and compassion,

J. Melinda Clay
Co-Owner | Clay's Mortuary & Cremations

Home of The Clay Way
Serving Families. Celebrating Lives.

In Loving Memory of My Mother, Beatrice Fields
Forever loved. Forever remembered. Forever in my heart.